Cytotoxicity
how is it that something can keep me alive
by killing me in smaller increments?
how is being fucked up by this medication
the one choice I have for the rest of my life?
I know that it's better to live and deal with it
than to let my body tear itself apart
but how can I start to reconcile
the body I know,
the body that's mine,
the body I have,
and the body I want?
for that matter
how am I supposed to love a body
that’s waging a war on itself?
how can I learn to love a body
that won’t ever take care of me?
I think my body belongs to itself
to side effects and to lifelong disease
it's keeping me alive
despite its best efforts
how is that?
originally published in Volume 9 of Collective Reflections